Yesterday, for no apparent reason, my blog's "Followers" box disappeared. Having ignored my basic disability with overly technical operations, I tried to set up a link to my newly created Facebook fan page, but, instead, I wiped out, or altered or otherwise fucked up, an entirely different box, one I'd had no intention of even venturing near. It all seemed so simple at the time.
When I saw that my "Followers" box was empty, I launched into an absurdly frantic flurry of non-activity in an effort to diagnose the problem. In the middle of reading my blog's Edit HTML Page, comparing what I saw there to—to what, I must ask?--it occurred to me that I had not a clue what I was "reading." This, of course, forced me to sit back and ponder my reaction.
Could this be one of those Signs from the Universe of which the I'm-Not-Religious-I'm-Spiritual speak? And if it is a sign, what, exactly, is the sign? Is it that, in the end, I'm not meant to be followed (which is, please note, in true keeping with the ItWasn'tMeantToBe sermon offered when life goes all twisted and scattered, stubbornly refusing to yield to The Plan). Or is it the SetItFreeAndIfIt'sRealItWillReturn philosophy working its wonders, perhaps? If you love me, dear readers, you'll return?
I have to laugh at the Church of Signs from the Universe congregants who spew their ItWasn'tMeantToBe wisdom. Why is it so difficult for some people to accept that solutions aren't always found hiding in plain sight, and that rarely do they come with either signs or confetti? Sometimes things in life are muddy and vague. Sometimes they are have huge lumps and jagged edges, even though we want desperately for them to be smooth and easy to hold onto. Sometimes things in life simply seem too painful to bear, and nothing is as we'd hoped it to be. Sometimes there are no clean answers or easy solutions, and, sometimes, that is just the way it is.
The absence of ease doesn't mean that we have no part in any of it, or that we shouldn't give it a good try. The failure of things to fall easily into place or work as we'd planned isn't proof that we are controlled by something grander out there.
Maybe it's that I feel better thinking that I have a certain amount of control over the things I do and choices I make, but I suspect that my brother, who meets it'll all work out with but what if it doesn't, is right. We have to do our part to make things work out. We have to pay attention to the plans we're cultivating, and do the things that get us to the point of either "I did it" or "I sure gave it my best shot." Things aren't going to be okay just because we decide that the universe—or some other force—is taking care of the details. Besides, why does so powerful a universe need us if it's doing all of the work? And how much of a token gesture do we really want to be anyway?
Another thing I wonder about is if we really want to let ourselves off that easily. If we decline acceptance of some aspect of control over our lives, we relinquish responsibility for the paths we take, and the byproducts of the decision to take those paths. I like thinking...believing...that we impact our own existences and, to some extent, the existences of those connected to us.
Let's face it, your souffle didn't fall as a sign that you were meant to serve tuna salad at your dinner party. It fell because you haven't yet perfected the art of souffle making, or because the creepy neighbor kid stuck his fingers in it when it came out of the oven. How you handle serving tuna salad at your dinner party says something about you, not the universe.
I would rather have made my little programming maneuver with finesse. Instead, I touched something I shouldn't have touched, or I saved something I should have discarded, and here I sit, utterly and completely without a follower to my made-up name, with no one to blame but myself.
The only sign I see in this is a flashing blood red neon reminder not to touch things I know nothing about, like HTML. I don't even know what HTML means, so why would I go around touching it? And, not only did I touch it, I fondled it. No, I molested it, and that is just wrong.
I knew that I was going in over my head, but I went in anyway. I tried and I screwed it all up, but I will try again. It's only Not Meant if I decline to even try.
So, in this vein, I will read about how to identify the error in my blog's HTML, after finding out what HTML means, and I will, through diligence and determination, work toward reestablishing my "Followers" list. I may even put in the link to my Facebook fan page.
I will, however, do this tomorrow. Right now, I'm thinking about what a bitch the Blogspot Fairy truly is.
Copyright & Disclaimer
All pictures and blog entries on this site are the property of Mary Poppins in Heels, and may not be reproduced or copied without prior written consent. Please contact me by e-mail at email@example.com with any reproduction requests. I am the blog administrator and author. The people about whom I write are fictitious, and any similarities between them and real people are purely coincidental.